| Long TIme |
[12 Aug 2006|07:50pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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Snow Patrol-Chasing Cars |
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I haven't been in this thing in so long. Not that anyone has missed it. Summer is coming to an end and I must look for a real job because there are no full time camp counselors. We've recently moved to a suburb of Chicago but I find myself more in the city than when I actually lived there. The city is open all night (as oppose to small towns and suburbs which usually close up shop around 8, 9, or sometimes 10). I have found a really great 80s cover band called Sixteen Candles that plays all around Illinois. The lead singer is a cutie and dances around the stage while singing Tiffany's "I Think We're Alone Now". No summer love this year. Just one clumsy one night stand. I'm crushing on my co-counselor who is practically married to his girlfriend of three years. It's true that all the good ones are taken. He and I have gotten so close this year that I don't know if he feels that same way or just things of me as his sister. Probably the latter. I'm about to get ready to go out, these days it takes a lot of work to make me presentable. Hopefully I can find a really drunk, ok looking, funny guy to make out with tonight. I have learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
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[01 May 2005|05:05pm] |
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mood |
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okay |
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music |
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India Arie |
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| VICTORIA |
| V |
is for |
Vain |
| I |
is for |
Industrious |
| C |
is for |
Charismatic |
| T |
is for |
Tough |
| O |
is for |
Odd |
| R |
is for |
Rebellious |
| I |
is for |
Innocent |
| A |
is for |
Abstract |
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[26 Aug 2004|08:44pm] |
Dear Friends,
Whether you are into politics or not there is something you should know. The day is fast approaching when we won't even have freedom of choice. What am I talking about? Our right to an abortion will soon be taken away if we continue to let our President and government decide what is best for our own bodies. Who's not voting? More than half of women aged 18 to 34 did not vote in the last election. Now with so many laws such as The Partial-Birth Ban Act and the The Unborn Victims of Violence Act going into effect, they are giving fetus' the same rights as you and I. That means an abortion could become grounds for a murder charge! In short, you have vote. If they continue to take away our rights we will be stuck with a dictatorship. THAT'S NOT GOOD!!! Please pass this on.
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| Big News for Today |
[14 Dec 2003|10:38pm] |
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mood |
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 pensive |
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music |
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something old |
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The thing that everyone is talking about.... the capture of Saddam. My question, what does that mean for us? What will we do with him now? How roomy was his whole in the ground? It's hard to believe that this frail old man could be the cause of so much destruction. Many people are celebrating this day as a holiday. Iraq is finally free. Now what?
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| Sunday.... worst day |
[17 Nov 2003|05:17pm] |
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mood |
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You would think that after a few years of adulthood that you would develop this shield for bullshit and automatically know when someone is being an asshole. I have yet to attain this shield. I'm starting to believe that being an adult is not all its cracked up to be. Even when you think someone is non-threatening and you think you'll be the one to mess things up...NO. Turns out you're the idiot for becoming so trustworthy.
Sunday
Started off as a normal Sunday. I worked, went home, called a guy, decided that I wanted to go to Carbondale. Well, car broke down and bled to death at local liquor store. Guy lied to me and wants to go out with my friend and was flirting with her right in front of me. There was nothing that my Carbondale friends could do (as usual) so I was stuck. I don't know if this is karma for something mean I might have done but I think that it is sufficient enough to say that I am being punished. Some higher being thinks that I've had way too much fun and now I must become this angry, resentful person. I wish I took boxing classes because I seriously want to hurt someone and kick some ass!!!! If you're tired of hearing people bitch about their petty problems then disregard that whole entry.
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[02 Nov 2003|08:12pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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I thought I had started a relationship but maybe not. For once I chose someone who was actually nice and cared about me and my feelings. He's older, mature, and such a great guy. He's a bit of a geek but that's just some of his charm. But (big butt) he doesn't belief that I am in it for the long run, which I'm not but I like being around him. I like just hanging out and just making out. I do plan on moving away soon so I guess it's selfish of me to start something I can't finish. Haven't talked to him, his sister thinks I'm going to hurt him. I probably will. I hurt nice guys. Not intentionally, but I do.
School is boring. Grades are fine, I guess.
Work is ok.
Partying is at a minimal.
Brain is turning to mush. School's not helping. I don't feel enlightened or educated.
However, I am young. Kinda good looking, especially if you're drunk (wink). I'm fairly happy. There is no shortage on chocolate. Pretty much free to do whatever I want, go wherever I want.
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| From the sorted mind of an imitation adult |
[17 Sep 2003|01:58pm] |
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mood |
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pensive |
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music |
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Linkin Park- Somewhere I Belong |
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A mistake. Maybe so. Perhaps I am selfish enough to think that he belonged to me and only me. For those two lusty nights he was mine, or maybe I was his. But that is over now. I will never have him again. So I wait until he becomes vulnerable. And drunk. Again. I'm not sure who used who. Why doesn't he want to use me? Maybe it wasn't good. For me it was everything. He was everything. He probably knew it. He knew I would sacrifice everything and give it to him. That I would become this leach, this wannabe girlfriend. He's not looking for that. In and out. He, with his inviting eyes and warm smile. He makes me laugh and he's so insecure but you'd never know it by his walk. Those eyes, those lips, that smile. Sooooooo....... sexy!
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[06 May 2003|04:58pm] |
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mood |
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 touched |
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music |
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Bouncin' Off the Walls- Sugar Cult |
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Yesterday I was really nervous about seeing him at school but I haven't seen him yet this week and now I am more calm and I think I'll be fine. I don't know if he's avoiding me but I am ok with what happened and I don't regret. It was really nice and hopefully he can get over it too. Thanks for reassuring me that it was going to be all right. I want to tell my other friends so bad but I think I will feel stupid if I do because they are always trying to set me up with someone so if I told them, they would probably make a big deal out of it. But I can't keep secrets and this is going to be hard.
It's hot as hell today and I think I will melt soon. Thanks for the advice.
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| Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!! |
[05 May 2003|01:59pm] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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I need to get this out. I think a made a mistake and I am so scared of the consequences to my actions. There is this guy friend of mine who I have been kind of crushing over but I figured that nothing would become of it and I wasn't really pursuing him but this weekend this guy friend and I became close, "VERY CLOSE". There was a party and alcohol was involved and I think it was the alcohol that caused him to become more friendlier. Now I don't know what to do. I know I will see him again because he usually have lunch together with a bunch of other friends which he will probably be absent to because I have a distinct feeling that for him this was just some stupid thing he did when he was drunk. For me it was something more. All I can think about is how stupid I am going to feel when I see him. I should be worrying about finals and papers and other things but all I could think about is what can he possibly be thinking. Ugh!!! Why am I so stupid. Most people would want to get to know the guy and develop a friendship then relationship. Not me, I'm the girl who guys only talk to when they need a booty call, I'm usually the other women, I am the girl that they don't take home. That's it sharing time is over because if I keep listing my bad traits then I will slip into a depression. I just don't know what to do. In different circumstances I could totally handle this and not even care but he is different. STUPIDITY!!!
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| mmmmmmmmmm....ok! |
[15 Apr 2003|11:46am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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I have mixed emotions today. But who doesn't? I am sort of sad because I know that I just failed this test and I fear that I may fail out of school, AGAIN! On the other hand I feel a little silly and kind of happy, for no particular reason. BTW... I just spent like 3 minutes trying to figure out how to spell particular. Yeah, I'm slow. It's a common fact. Sometimes I get things when others don't and I feel really smart but then those motions are few and far between. I am also sleepy, always sleepy. People, you do not realize how much pleasure I get from sleep. It makes me so happy. I love to dream. I love the soft pillow under my head, the warm comforter over my body. Tons of people tell me that sleep is just wastes time but those people are wrong and probably do not sleep well themselves. I will not tell you what I dream about because those are my private thoughts and fantasies but my dreams are at times way more better than reality.
I am waiting for awhile in the library. Waiting for friends to get out of class so that I do not have to sit at the lunch table alone. I feel as though I am in high school. So afraid to be alone and many the feeling egocentrism. Ha! I learned a new word that I can use. I am a little vain in thinking that there is someone always watching me. I can't helped but feel like I am being judged. But I love to judge others. Thinking as if I know what a person is like and them having them prove me wrong. However, I am alone. And also I have said time and time again that I do not need a boyfriend, it would be nice. I turn down perfectly nice guys, but then again that's all they are to me, nice. I feel no attraction for them and they are willing to bend to my will. I need to feel some kind of physical attraction. No matter how nice a person is, the main thing it comes down to is if you want to jump their bones. Without that, wouldn't it be boring. I want to someone to lust for me. Maybe I am asking for too much. Maybe I should just settle. I don't have high standards but I do have standards. And it kills me when my friends try to set me up because they think they know my type. Then I feel insulted that they have no clue what kind of guys I am into because the guys they pick for me are just wrong. But it was nice of them to try.I don't know if I'll ever have a boyfriend again. It's hard to tell. Although having a boyfriend would completely throw my life off because I become this too attached girlfriend who time is consumed by a boyfriend. I don't know. Any advice?
Well I must leave.
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| he he he....it's me |
[02 Apr 2003|09:10pm] |
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I have nothing really profound or new to say but I have a new icon thanks to Miss Manda Jean and I wanted you all to see it. I feel that it really expresses me. Sometimes I feel fluffy and pink and want to roll up in a ball. Well, I hope you like it.
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[18 Feb 2003|08:36pm] |
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mood |
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blank |
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How evil are you?
I thought I was much evilier than this. Nothing much going on here. It's been awhile since I had been here and I almost forgot it even existed. Still alone, some things never change. I have just come from visiting friends and, like always, there seems to be this drift. I don't know if it's them or me. But this feels familiar. Forget this sad bullshit.
I hate when I cannot tell if a guy is real or serious. So many games are played. But I have seen guys that are real and actually nice. They don't exist around me. Well, they do but they're taken. Always fuckin' taken.
This was an extremely lazing day. I wanted to sleep because that is my favorite thing to do. But of course I can't because everyone has dealt out chores and errands for me. Things that have nothing to do with me. But this is what I am, a personal assistant to others. I'm done. This is really bumming me out. I'm not going to bum you out anymore. So bye for now. I'll try and remember that I have this journal.
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| Suerte |
[04 Jan 2003|07:51pm] |
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mood |
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good |
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I feel lucky these days. I have a family who drives me crazy but who I think genuinely love me. Right now I am in Chicago with my brother and sisters and my daddy. I didn't realize how much I have missed his presence and I have noticed that he has become more and more of a smart ass! I have received my grades for the fall semester and I am doing good so far, also I am very proud of my sister for going back to school and earning excellent grades as well. I am feeling very grateful these days. I am also sitting around while my ass is expanding. My family has a wide range of DVDs and I have been watching movie after movie. I love it! But it makes my life look very sad. Coming back home to Chicago is good because of my family but when I wanted to call some friends for a get-together, I realized that I have lost touch with everyone. There was no one to call. Sadly, I put the receiver back down and started another movie. Movies make me happy, I don't know what it is, probably an escape from reality to a world of love, romance, mystery, and action.
Statis report on love life is not well. There is no one. I am pretty hard up for some action. I watched 40 Days and 40 Nights and wouldn't be able to do it. But there is no one around to manipulate and use. I don't think I have been on an actual date in two years. I haven't had a really good kiss since junior high. I don't know why that is. The kiss has become so unimportant. When I was twelve, the kiss was everything and the only thing. Promiscuity and sexual liberation is fine but it demolished "the kiss".
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| Dizzy. fizzy. funny |
[17 Dec 2002|09:33pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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music |
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Christina Aguilera- Beautiful |
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Which *Interview with the Vampire* character are you?</a>
brought to you by Quizilla
Miss Amanda,
I hope you come into contact with a PC because it is strange to log into my journal and not see an entry from you. There is always an entry from you. I will be doing anything at all. I miss my friends. I practically invited myself to a party a girl in my Spanish class was giving. But I had fun. I was so happy to be talking to non-family members and people my age, well almost my age. I am so sick of not having a life. I am sick of Centralia. Argh! On top of all that I have just, and I mean JUST, found out that I have a three days to pack and get ready for a 2-day road trip. Families suck!
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| Bitch, bitch, bitch, moan, moan, moan |
[14 Dec 2002|01:52pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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music |
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Shut Up- Kelly Osbourne |
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Yes yes yes. Christmas is almost here and I am actually looking forward to it but of course I won't get to see the look on my sisters' faces when they open they're presents because I will be in Mexico. I know what you're thinking but we will not be around any beaches or everywhere tropical. If you think that Mexico is made up of beautiful beaches then you are naive. My father, brother, and I will be in the city which is filled with grey skies and cold nights. Just once I want us to spent Christmas at home, just us. It would be great. This year is the first year that you are actually exchanging gifts and I think that is pretty special. I hope Angie and Patty aren't disappointed with their gifts. I have just finished school and I have a month off before I have to go back which is great but what do I do with myself now? I wish I could go to Chicago early. I miss it. But I am stuck here being slave chauffer to my mom and brother. That is my job, to drive them around town, everyday they have to go somewhere. I can't just be lazy, no there are errands that need to be done.
People do things for you so that you are obligated to do things for them. I have learned we use people all the time and I hate that. Things that seem like good deeds are actually binding contracts, a debt you owe in which you must pay. I am tired of people. They piss me off more and more. But my motto is "people never to fail to disappoint you",
it's in our nature to be completely flawed.
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| I am Grateful for..... |
[27 Nov 2002|06:38pm] |
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television. Without it my life would be empty. I am grateful for chocolate because without it my tummy would be empty. I am grateful for grilled cheese sandwiches, band-aids, instant messenger, and drive-thru windows.
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vickopickle's journal
naughty
